Formula Absolute Incompetence League *Signups CLOSED*

by **Ceej** Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:43 am

Approved by Cynon.

Since 1452, the Formula Absolute Incompetence League has wreaked havoc on the racing world, terrifying legitimate racers, journalists, and fans with its shenanigans, which seem to get exponentially worse every year. Nonetheless, the teams involved in the league are dedicated to their probably-narcotics-influenced craft, and their attempts at holding races attract a cult following of deranged viewers.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Championship Information:

-The driver who scores the closest to 0 points at the end of the season is the champion.

-5 races.

-The field is capped at 18 cars.

Schedule:

1: Grand Prix of German Incompetence (AVUS)
2: Grand Prix of Humpty Dumpty's Incompetence (Humpty Dumpty Raceway)
3: Grand Prix of Raleigh Incompetence (Raleigh Speedway)
4: Indianapolis 2.5 (Indianapolis Motor Speedway)
5: Grand Prix of Terrorizing an Innocent Town (3 Forty 9)

POINTS SYSTEM:

Here is what you need to know when signing up:

-This series will use the V8 Indycar mod.

-You may enter as many cars as you want, and I will pick the most absurd ones. Seriously, go crazy with these.

-Do NOT post your request/paint your car until you are on the team chart.

-Every car will have the same ratings.

-Do not take #00. This is the number reserved for the champion.

Use this form when signing up:

Code:: Car Number: Driver Name: Age: Sponsor/s: Home Town: Team Name: Random Notes:

Go nuts.

TEAM CHART:

by Jason Hamilton Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:03 am

Car Number: 1337
Driver Name: Ed Fred
Age: 33
Sponsor/s: trololololololo
Home Town: Greenland
Team Name: Anonymous
Random Notes: Member of Anonymous and notorious troll.

Car Number: 66
Driver Name: BJ Randsma
Age: 18
Sponsor/s: Thomas the Tank Engine
Home Town: Some Trailer Park, NC
Team Name: iwegal racein!!1!
Random Notes: Some Trailer Trash kid from NC

Car Number: 42
Driver Name: Prince Walik
Age: 47
Sponsor/s: none
Home Town: Somewhere in Nigeria
Team Name: Walik Racing
Random Notes: Self Proclaimed Nigerian Prince who is willing to offer large amounts of money to anyone who sponsors him.

by TheMayor44 Sat Mar 10, 2012 6:26 am

-Snip-

by Mother of Invention Sat Mar 10, 2012 8:32 am

Car Number: A
Driver Name: Bob Smith
Age: Unkown, thought to be in his 30s
Sponsor/s: Blind Bob's Eyepatch Emporium
Home Town: Unkown, thought to be somewhere around Boston
Team Name: Bob's Race Team
Random Notes: Races with an eyepatch despite not needing one, all because of his sponsor. Also has never raced a car with a number on it in 6 years, due to a superstition he gained after a near fatal crash

by BWard Sat Mar 10, 2012 8:41 am

Car Number: 87
Driver Name: Craig 'Cracking' Crackman
Age: 27
Sponsor/s: Crackup Energy Drink
Home Town: Crackingtown
Team Name: Cracker Racing
Random Notes: Craig earned the nickname 'Cracking' and calls his last name Crackman because he used to want apply for a drugs company but didn't cos' he didn't! So now he wants to apply for this in replacement.

by **SnakePlissken** Sat Mar 10, 2012 8:42 am

Car Number: 2
Driver Name: Di Reah
Age: 18
Sponsor/s: SHART Repellent
Home Town: Flushing Meadows, NY
Team Name: #2 with a Bullet
Random Notes: Entered the Clairmont race as a one off entry for the VSCC. Nickname is "Little Squirt." She has an explosive personality and a bladder control problem. She has to take frequent bathroom breaks during the course of the race in addition to scheduled pit stops. Often seen wiping up the rear of the field. Refuses to use her own sponsor product.

by teamwhiper Sat Mar 10, 2012 9:05 am

(OOC:I spent five minutes trying to recover from laughing at your post.)

Car Number:79.3
Driver Name:Xezron Juarquiling(pronounced Sez-ron Ju-ar-killing)
Age:22
Sponsor/s:Quiling's Quilts
Home Town:Martinique Island
Team Name:Varzon Race Tools Corp.
Random Notes:-Family buisness is designing quilts.Xezron quit the buisness but is still backed up by it.Nobody knows where the Juarquiling family originated from before moving to Martinique.Juarquiling's only experience in racing wa the annual soapbox derby,where he entered a car with a special "safety feature"(a quilt from the family store.)

by f1fan12 Sat Mar 10, 2012 9:57 am

Car Number:
Driver Name: King Robert Green IV
Age: 29
Sponsor: N/A
Home Town: The Robert Green Household, The Monarchy Of Robert Green
Team Name: Robert Green is the King all bow down to him Motorsports
Random Notes: Robert Green is an interesting individule, he has claimed his front yard his own principality, and is supreme ruler of it. And anyone who comes near it, will be subjected to capital punishment. But, I guess a rubber sowrd that he won from Chuck-E-Cheese wont kill anyone.

by **Ben Atkins** Sat Mar 10, 2012 10:19 am

Car Number: i
Driver Name: The Math Master (aka Fredrick Johannson III)
Age: 31.415926535897
Sponsor/s: BIDMAS Calculators
Home Town: Parallel Crossroads, UK
Team Name: FluffyMath Co
Random Notes: Has won many math championships in the United Kingdom, and has even traveled to other countries to show them how good at Math he is. He has chosen to go into racing after he failed to after 5/1x77353+88 correctly.

Car Number: 568
Driver Name: Fluffyland Group Leader (aka Henry Gordon)
Age: 27
Sponsor/s: Fluffy's Soft Gum
Home Town: Classroom R4 in the local high school of Bolton, UK. (where the "fluffyland" meetings are held every Tuesday)
Team Name: FluffyMath Co
Random Notes: Known to be the strongest, best, and most fluffy person in Fluffyland. Entered into the "FAIL" because he wants to prove that all fluffy people can drive.

by Alpineopossum Sat Mar 10, 2012 10:29 am

Car Number: 62
Driver Name: Evan Russell
Age: 33
Sponsor/s: AAAAAAAAAAAAA Auto Service
Home Town: North Ridgeville, OH
Team Name: Racin' Team of the Ridgies
Random Notes:
• A good ol' boy from a very rednecky town
near Cleveland, Russ thinks he can be a great driver simply because he won a race at a "dirt track" comprising of the largely dead front lawn of his neighbors

Car Number: 448
Driver Name: Joey Jay Roberts
Age: 42
Sponsor/s: America Tuvalu Racing
Home Town: Dothan, AL
Team Name: America Tuvalu Racing
Random Notes:
• entering racing to convince the American public that the USA should train a world class military for the tiny pacific nation of Tuvalu.

by pennst24 Sat Mar 10, 2012 10:43 am

Car Number: 069
Driver Name: Ped O. Bere
Age: 18
Sponsor/s: Sandusky's Plumbing
Home Town: University Park, PA
Team Name: Ped O.'s Boys
Random Notes: Likes to hang out around parks. Left the Penn State football team after he found out pedophiles and pedo harborers were no longer welcome.

by BBoy Sat Mar 10, 2012 11:23 am

Car Number: 4
Driver Name: Painis Cupcake
Age: 28
Sponsor/s: Sandvich Sandwiches
Home Town: Denver, Colorado
Team Name: Fortress Racing
Random Notes: Loves to say "I will eat you!" and has a creepy smile.

Car Number: 8
Driver Name: Jerry "Bubblegum" Rogers
Age: 33
Sponsor/s: Sandman Baseball Bats
Home Town: New York City
Team Name: Fortress Racing
Random Notes: Known infamously as one of the worst professional baseball players of all-time.

by Tanrar Sat Mar 10, 2012 11:29 am

Car Number: 1
Driver Name: BeastRacer1
Age: 13
Sponsor/s: Unsponsored
Home Town: His bedroom.
Team Name: BeastRacer1 Racing
Random Notes: BeastRacer1 believes he is the greatest driver in the world after winning a race on Mario Kart on the lowest difficulty.

Car Number: 19.99
Driver Name: Ricky Sellers
Age: 50
Sponsor/s: Derp-Wear
Home Town: Detroit, MI
Team Name: Derp-Wear Racing
Random Notes: Ricky Sellers is a professional pitchman, and has been pitching Derp-Wear for the past 12 years, to little success, and is now using FAIL to advertise his product.

by f1fan12 Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:07 pm

My other racer

Car Number: 1-800-449-8385
Driver Name: Bubba, Joe, Jerry, Octavius, Greg Buford
Age: 21
Sponsor: The North Ridgeville Lawncare Service
Home Town: Where do you think, where all my other fail drivers live, North Ridgeville
Team Name: The North Ridgeville Super Shopping Cart Team
Random Notes: He is a professional motorized shopping cart racer in his local supermarkets. He races all of his friends in the local K-Mart.

by Okarai55 Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:25 pm

Car Number: 46231
Driver: Rick Rickson
Age: 9000
Sponsor: Mr. Evil Zombie Inc.
Hometown: The Graveyard
Team Name: Mr. Evil Zombie Inc.
Random Notes: Revived by an ancient spirit called Lork in order to race.

by PackerMan71 Sat Mar 10, 2012 1:38 pm

Car Number: 71
Driver Name: Billy Bob Nutbucket
Age: 35
Sponsor/s: Brown Water Toiler Cleaners
Home Town: Middle of Nowhere, Kansas
Team Name: Slapstix Racin'
Random Notes: A dumb as all hell hillbilly who likes shooting squirrels, eating beef jerky, and driving race cars.

by day500champ1 Sat Mar 10, 2012 2:11 pm

Car Number: 666
Driver Name: Lucifer "Lucy" Carter
Age: unknown, appears to be 32
Sponsor/s: Soul Trading Company
Home Town: Hell, Michigan
Team Name: Crossroads Racing
Random Notes: Little is know about this guy, but it is said that bad things happen when he is around.

Car Number: 316
Driver Name: John Wild
Age: 25
Sponsor: LOVE Life Insurance
Home Town: Faith, North Carolina
Team Name: Wild Motorsports
Random Notes: Wild has never driven a car in his life. He prefers to walk everywhere he goes. Decided to get involved in racing as a way to support needy families in his home town.

by navycook75 Sat Mar 10, 2012 2:48 pm

Car Number: 20
Driver Name: Wheatley Core
Age: unknown
Sponsor/s: Johnson's Combustible Fruit Company
Home Town: Aperture Science
Team Name: Race Team of Science
Random Notes:
*Is known to be the biggest idiot ever known to man
*had many ways to cheat during races in the past, but none of them went though due to his idiocy
*Is afraid that one day he might get sucked into the depths of space

by flyingturns89 Sat Mar 10, 2012 2:55 pm

Car Number: 300
Driver Name: Derp-O-Tron 300
Age: Not Available
Sponsor/s: Secret Robot Company
Home Town: Armonk, NY
Team Name: Secret Robot Company Racing
Random Notes: The newest and "smartest" robot from a top secret robot company believed to be linked to the government, the top officials there have thought of no better way to secretly test their new robot than to put it in a race car, with the company's name on it, in front of millions of people and race it against 24 other competitors with years of experience. Has failed every racing test thrown at it, yet has passed anything else that it has been tested for. Still, the scientists behind this miracle still believe this is the best plan of action.

by RyanB06 Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:09 pm

navycook75 wrote:Car Number: 20
Driver Name: Wheatley Core
Age: unknown
Sponsor/s: Johnson's Combustible Fruit Company
Home Town: Aperture Science
Team Name: Race Team of Science
Random Notes:
*Is known to be the biggest idiot ever known to man
*had many ways to cheat during races in the past, but none of them went though due to his idiocy
*Is afraid that one day he might get sucked into the depths of space

by Alta Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:12 pm

Car Number: 96
Driver Name: Bobby Clements
Age: 48
Sponsors: Unsponsored
Hometown: A Target in Alabama
Team Name: Spare Change Racing
Random Notes: Random hobo that lives inside an abandoned Target, "Borrowed" the race car from local race team.

Car Number: 935
Driver Name: Severin Icarus
Age: 22
Sponsors: Apple, Starbucks
Hometown: San Fransisco, California
Team Name: Indie Autosport
Random Notes: A Hipster who is using his father's money to get into racing because it's "So hip and underground." Wants to have his iPad fitted in the car so he can post on his tumblr and listen to Skrillex, Also would prefer to have a cup holder in his car for his Starbucks coffee.

by JMac525 Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:16 pm

Car Number: 2012
Driver Name: Dr. Seymour Boone
Age: 61
Sponsor/s: Seymour Labs
Home Town: Top Secret
Team Name: Most Superior Racing
Random Notes: Evil scientist Seymour Boone believes he has discovered the genetic code to create a superior species to humans that will enslave all people and take over the earth. He just needs the necessary funding which he hopes the advertising on his car will bring, even though he has never owned a car in his life.

by gwoodard41 Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:30 pm

Car Number: 41
Driver Name: Greg Woodard
Age: 22/0
Sponsor/s: None
Home Town: Decatur, IL
Team Name: No-Go Racing
Random Notes: He had the choice of doing this or going to the sun. Where he had the equal chance of being killed.

by **Ceej** Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:49 pm

11 cars are on the chart so far.

by Kornography Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:51 pm

Car Number: 81
Driver Name: Michael Setters
Age: 5
Sponsor/s: Im Tha Bestest!
Home Town: Generic Upper Class Town, USA
Team Name: Team Super!
Random Notes: Got a race car for his 5th birthday and immediately signed up for FAIL.

by BWard Sat Mar 10, 2012 3:59 pm

putting another one in

Car Number: 911
Driver Name: Carl Nine-Elevenson.
Age: 24
Sponsor/s: Red911Hot Insurance
Home Town: Superdial Town
Team Name: Superdial Underdogs Racing
Random Note/s: This guy is strangely obsessed with the number 911 for a very awkwardly unknown reason.

by navycook75 Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:19 pm

Car Number: 423
Driver Name: Brian Riley
Age: 32
Sponsor/s: My Little Pony
Home Town: Erie, Pa
Team Name: Forever Alone Autosport
Random Notes:
*Hopes to enter FAIL so he can be recognized by people and hopefully find the love of his life.
*despite entering in an actual racing event, any speed faster than 45 miles per hour causes him to have nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and diarrhea.
*HEY PEPTO BISMOL!
*Claims the only friends he has are on the internet, where they talk about "My Little Pony" he also claims to have merchandise of every pony.
*he also claims that his obsession with "My Little Pony" has nothing to do with being single, despite the fact that all he wears is MLP clothing.

and for the record, I'm not a brony, nor will I ever be, and if I was, Arceus help me.....

by Rykia Sat Mar 10, 2012 6:21 pm

Car Number: 0.00000001
Driver Name: Fitty Young
Age: 101
Sponsor/s: Young and Fit, the Fat Senior Citizen Club
Home Town: An Underwater Place in the Sky
Team Name: What's a Car? Racing
Random Notes:
-Has never driven any type of vehicle in his life, not even a tricycle.

by flyingturns89 Sat Mar 10, 2012 6:39 pm

By Indianapolis 2.5, do you mean we're doing a one lap shootout at Indy?

by Dan Mackay Sat Mar 10, 2012 6:48 pm

Car Number: 0.0
Driver Name: 0.0
Age: 13
Sponsor/s: OPENSPEEDWAY
Home Town: A Boat, Sealand
Team Name: SOPA Motorsports
Random Notes: Obviously a given to anyone whos raced osw Razz

Car Number: Infinity
Driver Name: Frank McHurpenDerpDerp
Age: 6.7
Sponsor/s: N/A
Home Town: Hell
Team Name: SOPA Motorsports
Random Notes: -_-

by Okarai55 Sat Mar 10, 2012 9:24 pm

another one of my cars

Car Number: 9000
Driver Name: Roderick McTroll
Age: 9999
Sponsor: IT'S OVER 9000!!!
Hometown: An Old and Abandoned Video Arcade
Team Name: OVER 9000 Ltd.
Random Notes: Devotes his entire life on Anime and Video games.
Decided to enter FAIL to refresh the memories of his favorite anime, Dragon Ball Z.

by Jason Hamilton Sun Mar 11, 2012 1:48 am

can I chance Prince Walik's number to 419 Very Happy

by BWard Sun Mar 11, 2012 1:58 pm

another one from me

Car Number: 0334
Driver Name: Kiddy Kongalolmanny Jr.
Age: 334
Sponsor: Lollering Insurance
Home town: KongaLolmannytown (named after him)
Team Name: Lolmanny Underdogs
Random Notes: he finds crashes and spin outs rather amusing to himself (even if he does).

by **antknee** Sun Mar 11, 2012 3:14 pm

Car Number: 66
Driver Name: Sammael Wraith
Age: 19
Sponsor/s: Lucinda's Goth Emporium
Home Town: Paramus, NJ
Team Name: Poser Motors
Random Notes: Goth wanna be who's "cooler than you".

Car Number: 77
Driver Name: Caden Solomon
Age: 15
Sponsor/s: Viking Keyboard Repair
Home Town: Charlotte, NC
Team Name: Poser Motors
Random Notes: Main goal in life is to have the most posts in every forum. Anyone who disagrees with his opinion is stupid.

by bartman97 Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:25 am

Car Number: 52
Driver Name: Gulia Jillard
Age: 50
Sponsor/s: Redhead matches
Home Town: Some house
Team Name: Takeover racing
Random Notes: She thinks FAIL is a lot of fun and likes to takeover things off people.

by Jason Hamilton Mon Mar 12, 2012 3:04 am

bartman97 wrote:Car Number: 52
Driver Name: Gulia Jillard
Age: 50
Sponsor/s: Redhead matches
Home Town: Some house
Team Name: Takeover racing
Random Notes: She thinks FAIL is a lot of fun and likes to takeover things off people.

This wins the thread

by BWard Mon Mar 12, 2012 2:00 pm

Car number: 222
Driver Name: Jacky Hacker
Age: 28
Sponsor/s: Hackery Painkillers
Home Town: Hackingtown
Team Name: Tucking-Hacking Racing

Random Notes: He calls himself 'Lawrence of incompetence' as he claims he used to be an Internet-hacking mastermind.

by Webzic Mon Mar 12, 2012 6:32 pm

Car Number: 91.01
Driver Name: Mohammed Al Shakafa
Age: 24 1/2
Sponsor/s: Iraqi Airlines
Home Town: Bahgdad, Iraq
Team Name: Al Shakafa Racing
Random Notes: Mohammed Al Shakafa has wanted to race his whole life. After his father died in a Bahgdad Store that blew up due to a bomb, he has wanted to show the world that he wants revenge. Iraqi Airlines will sponsor the car full time.

by **Syzygy** Mon Mar 12, 2012 8:29 pm

Car Number: 900
Driver Name: Stan McJay
Age: ??
Sponsors: The Troll Bridge
Home Town: under some bridge in Canada
Team Name: Troll Racing
Random Notes: A random hobo who, with the other hobos who live under his bridge (known as the Troll Bridge by locals due to the large number of homeless living under it) managed to scrape together enough resources to barter for a car to run in FAIL.

by pennst24 Mon Mar 12, 2012 8:36 pm

BurningThunder wrote:Car Number: 900
Driver Name: Stan McJay
Age: ??
Sponsors: The Troll Bridge
Home Town: under some bridge in Canada
Team Name: Troll Racing
Random Notes: A random hobo who, with the other hobos who live under his bridge (known as the Troll Bridge by locals due to the large number of homeless living under it) managed to scrape together enough resources to barter for a car to run in FAIL.

by ParaLanche Tue Mar 13, 2012 5:49 pm

Car Number: 080
Driver Name: Garth Smack
Age: 44
Sponsors: Smacker Butt Paste (so good you wanna kiss it!)
Home Town: Unknown
Team Name: Smack Racing Team
Random Notes: Owner of Smacker Butt paste(so good you wanna kiss it!)

by BWard Tue Mar 13, 2012 5:51 pm

ParaLanche wrote:Car Number: 080
Driver Name: Garth Smack
Age: 44
Sponsors: Smacker Butt Paste (so good you wanna kiss it!)
Home Town: Unknown
Team Name: Smack Racing Team
Random Notes: Owner of Smacker Butt paste(so good you wanna kiss it!)

I find this very amusing.

by **Ceej** Tue Mar 13, 2012 8:45 pm

A few more teams got on the chart, and the schedule is up.

by navycook75 Tue Mar 13, 2012 9:44 pm

3 forty 9? well looks like the CRL is screwed....

by Michael29Shell Sun Mar 18, 2012 1:35 am

Car Number: 13
Driver Name: Sophia Guzman
Age: 50
Sponsor/s: Big Billy The Rapist: The TV Show
Home Town: Rape Town
Team Name: UGLY TEAM
Random Notes: She is a 50 year old rapist.

by OpenwheelRiggleman Wed Mar 21, 2012 7:08 pm

Car Number: Q
Driver Name: He can't remember
Age: -10
Sponsor/s: A Waffle
Home Town: That's Classified
Team Name: We couldn't think of one, so we got this instead
Random Notes: Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes Notes

by TheMayor44 Thu Mar 22, 2012 1:40 am

Okay, let's try this one more time:

Car Number: 08
Driver Name: Fratrick Fratterson
Age: 20
Sponsor/s: Brooks Brothers/George Dickel's Tennessee Whiskey #8
Home Town: Wherever entitled white folks are from
Team Name: Alpha Sigma Sigma
Random Note/s: The frattiest fraternity brother of all the frats, Fratrick Fratterson is looking to ~~chug~~ ~~buy~~ drive the Fratmobile all the way to victory lane, and isn't afraid to move a few GDI's out of the way
-has a pit crew made entirely of pledges
-hasn't raced since that accident back on mountain weekend....hell yeah...
-Can't drive stick (his Frathoe's an automatic!)
-Convinced The Dave Matthews Band is the best band on the planet....right behind Corey Smith!
-Wears a pink bowtie on his mint green firesuit

by BWard Thu Mar 22, 2012 2:50 pm

one more go.

Car number: 565
Driver Name: Randy Rowdy Rider
Age: 37
Sponsor: Rowdy Barrel Energy
Home town: Rowdyrandytown
Team Name: Rowdy Horsy Racing
Random Note/s: The most rowdiest person in the world, apparently, as he claims that he used to race horses in the west.

by **SnakePlissken** Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:42 pm

Car Number: 5
Driver Name: Oliver (Sinjin Mollusk) Twitt
Age: 42
Sponsor/s: Nigel Incubator-Jones Brokerage
Home Town: Hurlingham Park, Harrow and the Guards
Team Name: Shooting the Rabbits Racing
Random Notes: Oliver Twitt competed in the 127th annual Upper Class Twit of the Year Show:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqObJtGrKaA

Oliver suffered a setback/mishap concerning an automobile that kept him from winning the event. Disappointed, his family entered him into FAIL hoping Oliver can finally complete the mission that he started once and for all. Oliver doesn't know when he's beaten, he doesn't know when he's winning either. He doesn't have any sort of sensory apparatus.

by flyingturns89 Fri Mar 23, 2012 12:59 am

SnakePlissken wrote:Car Number: 5
Driver Name: Oliver (Sinjin Mollusk) Twitt
Age: 42
Sponsor/s: Nigel Incubator-Jones Brokerage
Home Town: Hurlingham Park, Harrow and the Guards
Team Name: Shooting the Rabbits Racing
Random Notes: Oliver Twitt competed in the 127th annual Upper Class Twit of the Year Show:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqObJtGrKaA

Oliver suffered a setback/mishap concerning an automobile that kept him from winning the event. Disappointed, his family entered him into FAIL hoping Oliver can finally complete the mission that he started once and for all. Oliver doesn't know when he's beaten, he doesn't know when he's winning either. He doesn't have any sort of sensory apparatus.

That just won. Laughing

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