An obsession I can no longer keep to myself

This is kinda long but I really would like you guys to read it I you can. Maybe you'll find it interesting

I'm having these horrible compulsions right now eating me, like a withdrawl of sorts. However, it's something that I have been fighting for at least 10 years and cannot ever seem to fulfill. No, not a fetish you idiots; what I'm talking about is this addiction I have to cars. Something stronger than a passion, but like a heroin to me.

Now I may come off looking like a bit of a nut or trying to be funny but I really wish I had something I could rip apart right now. I want to strip an engine to the bolts and put it together just for the fun of it. I want to be able to take something apart just to know what each part does and if I could make it any better. I want to learn what everything does firsthand. I have never taken a formal mechanic's class but have instead "borrowed" a textbook from the voc. tech library two years ago and have studied that both day and night just to learn what I can. I don't have anything I can work on now nor are there any shops where I can volunteer at just to learn and be around these machines.

I also wish there was a nearby racetrack where I could simply go to on the weekends and just run laps on. Now I'm not talking racecars here but just a simple hatchback with a stick; a street car That's all I want, just one track day and I promise that I would be a good boy for the rest of my life. To me, cars and driving are this massive addiction I have and none of you guys know what it feels like. I used to have an actual simulator with wheels and pedals, and I would spend all day just sitting there and driving; often times just by myself without racing online or computer opponents. Just to drive. I didn't have the best stuff and it was only enough to run the program but it was good enough for me and I put countless hours just driving and tweaking the car. Why? It was the most helpful thing I've ever come across and further fueled my motive for a career in motorsporrs. Hell, just driving on the street is fun. I'm smart not to put my life in danger by driving wreckless but still, the thought of being one with the machine is like my heroin. Driving is my drug: it's where I can sit down, forget about everything in life and just go with the flow. It seems so odd that someone can be obsessed with something as simple as driving a car to the point where it becomes a sort of passion and addiction. Words cannot express how badly I would like to pursue the path of becoming a professional driver. I know in my heart that I could do it but I don't believe that I am destined to have it happen. I want to be happy but I never truly am unless I'm behind the wheel of a motor vehicle.

Can anyone understand this at all without thinking I'm going mental? Is there anyone who feels the same way? Right now, I just want a car. It could be anything, I don't care, just as long as I could take it to a track and let my emotions run wild. I had to let this out because it's been eating away from me for at least 10 years and I can't keep it to myself any longer. I don't feel there is anyone with a passion as strong as this. Just cars in general, and not subject to driving as I said earlier.Right now, I would kill for a chance to simply sweep a shop floor. I would steal money to pay for the chance to learn more about working on cars. I'm tired of gran turismo, tired of the textbook information and tired of watching it on TV. I WANT TO ACTUALLY DO IT! I would happily risk life and limb to do what I have so longed for: the long hours spent soaked in oil and sweat working on such pieces of technical art to support my quest to be behind the wheel. I just want to be in the presence of automobiles. I'm done with trying to hold this in anymore. I know there are many who consider themselves enthusiasts but I feel that isn't enough to describe how I feel about automobiles. So I ask in all honesty, what am I to do? Is there anyone out there like me? Troll me if you wish but you cannot take away the dedication I have to do anything I can now in order to put my foot in the door. I will work without rest and die trying just to do what I love. And if I get there, I won't quit working at it until I die. Call me a immature kid, a ricer, a wannabe, an idiot, because I will pursue this dream until I can physically no longer do so. Question my intregrity if you wish, because I want to prove to you and myself that I can do it. I'm willing to learn, to work, and to die for it. What do I do right now? What can I do to prove my willpower? I want to know more so that I can do more. And if I can do more, I will become more. This is not scripted, not faked nor taken from another individual. This is what I've been stuck asking myself for what seems my entire life.

If there's anyone who can help or wants to meet up to help teach me a few things, feel free to give me a PM. Thanks

- Matt

Why not go to school and Learn? Lots of Tech Schools you can go learn at, I took Auto Body in High School, my father took Auto Tech in HS. You can get certified and become a pro.

JUST MY $.02

find some local tracks, watch everything you can there, and see if you can talk to some of the crews or drivers. maybe you can convince one of them to let you help them out one night. you're not going to get anywhere unless you make the right connections and talk to the right people

Mystrsyko wrote:find some local tracks, watch everything you can there, and see if you can talk to some of the crews or drivers. maybe you can convince one of them to let you help them out one night. you're not going to get anywhere unless you make the right connections and talk to the right people

With any business including racing its all about who you know. Make the right connections and you can go a long way.

Yeah, I've been looking but damn, just don't have the money nor name to get in. So I'm hoping that once I get my motorsports engineering degree, perhaps I could get my foot in the door and that the technical knowledge could help if I decided to attempt to find a ride. Kinda like Kulwicki did.

Thanks for the responses guys, I'll go scout around and see if there are any late model teams that would be willing to have me volunteer to sweep the shop or learn a little bit.

pepsibottle1 wrote:Yeah, I've been looking but damn, just don't have the money nor name to get in. So I'm hoping that once I get my motorsports engineering degree, perhaps I could get my foot in the door and that the technical knowledge could help if I decided to attempt to find a ride. Kinda like Kulwicki did.

Thanks for the responses guys, I'll go scout around and see if there are any late model teams that would be willing to have me volunteer to sweep the shop or learn a little bit.

Its funny how u said that. Steve latarte got into Hendrick Motorsports by starting out as a shop sweep.

If you have this much of an interest in cars, you'll definitely get a job somewhere. You said you're getting your motorsports engineering degree? That will probably be your best friend. If you have enough dedication, build up experience, meet people. That degree will surely open doors for you. Just keep at it, if you have as much determination as you say you do, you'll almost have to get hired by someone. That kind of attitude doesn't go unnoticed.